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'Fear of being seen' and also 'fear of not being seen' is real!

Hey all, I have written, posted and deleted this so many times now!

Fear of being seen and also fear of not being seen is real! and it is something I am slowly starting to realise is a part of who I am, but it shouldn't be what defines me. I am going to delve into it a bit more as I continue my healing journey ... but until then ... here I am showing up ... and not deleting.

If it's seen, good! ... if it's not seen ... also good!

So this week I showed up big time and signed up for OTM for the second time around!

For anyone who hasn't heard of this ... (and there will be a few that haven't) this is a 12-week programme 'One to Many' business strategy run by Lisa Johnson ... (please do look it up if you'd like to learn more).

The first time was back in 2020 and had I known what was gonna happen over the following few years (up to and including last year) I most likely wouldn't have joined as for various reasons I didn't complete the programme, the 'mind monkey's' took hold, and made me feel like I had 'wasted time and money' (I'm working on this mindset!)

Lockdowns came, went, and came back again and my cake business of 15 years was put on hold. I battled through it and came out of it with a fresh new outlook and a business focussed solely on weddings. With new branding and website, and a diary full of wedding fayres I was ready to open up to a whole new beginning and 2021 was going to be THE year!

However, I was also dealing with personal stuff and family stuff and I found myself being a full-time carer for both parents while trying to navigate my way through a social care system that I knew nothing about, desperately trying to find the support that we needed. Unless you have been through this you won't know what a disjointed process and a badly broken system this is!

I had to keep my business going though so did whatever I could during the months that followed as I planned to hit the ground running ... and I did! I hit the ground full-on! ending up with a badly broken wrist after a fall, which of course meant no cakes for a good while until it was fully healed and back to strength.

Stress, anxiety and overwhelm took over and I had a breakdown at the end of 2021. Christmas Eve to be exact was the day that my mind and my body finally gave in ... I had been fighting it for a long time but I could fight no more!

2022 came and my lovely Dad passed away, followed soon after by both of my inlaws. Looking back I 'lost' pretty much all of 2022, trying to make sense of everything and look after Mum who had been diagnosed with vascular dementia, and I felt completely alone!

I realised that if I didn't do something to look after myself the only way would be to continue the downward spiral. No one was gonna do it for me ... no one knew what I needed ... but neither did I! I decided during 2023 that I wasn't going to take any more cake orders as my mental health was starting to affect my business and I needed to do things differently!

I have spent the past year (as well as being super busy with weddings) working on my MH and exploring spirituality. Who am I? Why am I here? What is my mission and also What do I want?' I've found things that I didn't know I was looking for, people that inspire me, and light my fire (Solaris Sound Healing and Developlink) and I want to continue to explore and see where it takes me ... but this may be a story for another day when I have a better understanding.

Fast forward to last week when Lisa's 4-day challenge the RRR (Race to Recurring Revenue) came along! I was adamant that I wasn't going to 'buy into' OTM again after the challenge, but something inside me was saying that this was the right time for me ... so I jumped and joined in the first 24 hours!

I have no real plan, no massive 'thing' and I don't know what the outcome will be, BUT instead of hiding in the shadows I'm putting it 'out there' and I'm trusting the Universe, my inner voice, the Cake Gods, and the OTM 2024 cohort to help me make it work!

Having already decided to 'close' my wedding cake business at the end of 2024 this is a fresh start for me and I'd love you to hang around and follow my journey!

2025 is about new beginnings, new adventures and new ways of working .. and I'm ready for the challenge!

Cheers for reading if you got this far x


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